Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
