Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
