oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
