haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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