ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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