I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
