Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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