I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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