fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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