She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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