U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
