hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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