SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize