Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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