Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i out mim tonsoeep
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