I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
