DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
