Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
