i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
