I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
