he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
