If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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