; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so let's talk penis.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize