There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
