You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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