last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
