You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
40s are totally the cure
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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