I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
