Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
