He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
