but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
