At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
