just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
