She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
