you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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