There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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