I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
