Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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