How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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