Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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