I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
