Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
