Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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