id be glad to
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
