my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My nipple is on Facebook.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
