I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
