I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
