so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
