So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
