Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
