Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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