I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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