We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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