lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
