you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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