is wine microwaveable?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
