I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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