I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
