k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
