On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
