you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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