honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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