remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You're so nebulous sometimes
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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