Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
