I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
