was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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