morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
