I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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