Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
