I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
