We're facebook friends in real life
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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