I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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