I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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