how can u be prego again
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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