one might say we're banned from that church
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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