No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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