Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
