Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
