I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was like eating out sand paper
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
