You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Pants are for mortals
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