Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
