Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Rumble strips road head = magical
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
