Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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