Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
