awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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