I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
