I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you had me at cake vodka
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
