so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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