Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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