omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do herpes really smell.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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