When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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