I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize